DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS IN THE WORKPLACE

Think of a conversation you’ve been putting off with a colleague or employee.  You may need to give some feedback, set a healthy boundary, or inquire about an emotional situation that shouldn’t be ignored.

Difficult conversations aren’t to be avoided and can happen in a constructive way. You may feel being uncomfortable with setting or enforcing limits or worry about how the other person will react – this is normal! But the problem with avoidance is that it often allows the situation to continue and potentially get worse.

Acknowledging and fixing conflict in a healthy way are necessary parts of working well with others. Read on for some guiding principles and view our new "Navigating Conversations at Work" guide on the right for talking points and scripts.

1. Change your mindset. Words are powerful, and so is the story we tell ourselves! Mentally reframe the conversation as a positive. Instead of “difficult”, think about it as “constructive conversation” or a “chance to recalibrate the connection” with your colleague.
2. Breathe and center yourself first. We know this can be emotionally draining. Take care of yourself before the conversation to keep it from turning into a fight.
   
   Ask yourself:

-Where are my feet right now? Can I pause and center my breath? What do I hope to feel after this talk?

3. Prepare your goals and talking points. Jot down a few key points that are important for you to communicate. Your language should be simple, clear, direct, and neutral. The objective of the conversation is to reach an understanding first. Coming armed with your solutions means the exchange has nowhere to go. Your number one goal: connection.
4. Consider their perspective. Ask yourself two questions: “What is the problem?” and “What does the other person think is the problem?”
5. During the Conversation: Reflect and Learn. Open the conversation with gratitude and a relational goal. “I’m glad we have a chance to discuss this together. My hope is that we gain a greater understanding of each other.” 
   
   - To keep tensions from blazing, slow the pace of the conversation. Pause and truly reflect before responding. ”Let me reflect on what you just said for a minute.”
   
   - Brainstorm together. ”I hear that you really want X, but that doesn’t work for me because Y. Can I suggest an alternative for us?”
   
   - Find common ground and look for overlaps in your perspectives. “I know you are very passionate about our clients and we both find a lot of satisfaction in helping others.”
   
   - Use “I” statements; practice active listening
   
    
6. Next Steps. End the conversation when you both know that you did your best to find a resolution. You may need to continue at another time. “Can we revisit this late next week?” 
   - If you can reach an understanding, create a roadmap toward a solution that works for both of you.
   - End with gratitude. “I want to thank you for being open to this conversation and speaking with me.”
   - Take care of yourself. Schedule a break or a day off; engage in a calming activity as soon as you can.

Want to practice some of these talking points? Click here to request a time to talk with an EAP counselor.